she is seized by a sudden compulsion
to break down and cry
but she doesn’t

she merely tucks away the pain
and bears it with a tight, fleeting smile
because she has never let anyone
see past the mask
she is trapped in a bitter well
of her own making

she curses her own cowardice
and wants to rage and scream:
at her own stupidity, at him, at the other
but she can’t and she doesn’t

she just takes everything in silence -
and lets her heart break

Not quite sure where that came from. I’ve been finding it oddly cathartic to write these last two days, though. It helps relieve my stress. Sometimes I feel like I’m about to explode or I feel this panicky helpless emotion take over, and if I just let myself write, it soothes me.

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she feels lost sometimes.

somewhere along the path, she has slipped
and she doesn’t know to find her way back.

she is shadow in a world of light
and she doesn’t know how to feel.
she wonders if she belongs
among all the smiling people

darkness whispers to her.
the gray beckons, the infinite night looms
but she knows she doesn’t belong there either

she reaches for the light
and it slips easily through her fingers.
she turns from the dark
repulsed by its taint.

where does she fit in?

Wow, I guess I am in a writing mood today. This one popped out in about ten minutes. Tell me what you think

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she can’t even remember what it feels like to be happy anymore

the days pass by like a hazy dream…fleeting, quick, and unremarkable

she drifts along in the ebb and tide of her life, simply allowing things to happen to her, never initiating an action of her own

she can hardly breathe sometimes, when she catches a glimpse of him – it’s too painful

and she wonders how and when she let herself fall so far and so hard

Just a little drabble I wrote this morning. I’ve had writer’s block for a while now, but I was suddenly inspired to write this; the words just flowed from my fingers. Maybe I’ll be able to develop a story around it, who knows.

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Like the new layout? It features Angel and Cordelia from the show Angel. I always loved that pairing, and their goodbye in Season 5 was bittersweet. I recently bought the DVD set and I was going back and rewatching all of it, and that episode just really stuck with me.

Thanks so much to Leena for hosting me! You’re the best!

So, new host, new layout…new me? Nope, not quite. But I’m working on it I’m trying to be more relaxed, less stressed out, and more carefree. Sounds so easy, doesn’t it? You’d be surprised how hard it really is. Maybe I’m just making it too hard. Who knows. I’m a worrier by nature, and I’m never been known for my patience (those are probably the *first* things I should work on, hehe).

So…I’m still lingering on my crush. I feel like such an idiot. I know he already likes someone else and I’m not stupid enough to think he’ll ever fall for me…and yet I still have butterflies whenever I see him and being around him just makes me feel, I don’t know, happier. He can always make me laugh, and the day just seems brighter somehow after I’ve talked to him. Urgh. Now I just sound like a lovesick sap. I keep wondering if I should tell him. I don’t expect anything from him, I just want him to know. On the other hand, I don’t want things to become awkward between us. That’d be even worse. Maybe I’ll tell him right before he graduates (he’s a senior)…meh, I’m such a coward. It freaks me out even thinking about telling him face to face. Crushes are messy. Why did I ever get myself in this situation? Stupid teen angst :(

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Haha, I know some people will probably be “offended” by my blanket holiday greeting. Seriously, though, what is the big deal with saying “happy holidays” or “season’s greetings” in order to cover all the holidays that are celebrated by people of different faiths and cultures at this time of year? It seems some people want to take political correctness (or incorrectness) to the extreme, and they’re making a controversy out of nothing. Some get offended by “merry Christmas”, others by “happy holidays.” We can’t have it both ways, people. Everyone just needs to learn and accept the fact that America is built on a foundation of diversity, and respect that others may not have the same beliefs as you do. So what if you don’t like someone saying “merry Christmas” to you just because you’re not Christian? Get over it. Same thing goes for people who complain that using “happy holidays” takes away from the “true” meaning of Christmas. They are all well-wishes and have the same essential spirit: they are meant to express happiness and joy. The words might be different but the intended meaning remains the same.

The whole thing is just silly. The winter season is about the spirit of giving and family and love and all that (every day should really be like that, but hey, you take what you can get). It’s not about getting some expensive gift (though those *are* nice) – it’s about those core values of family and living life to the fullest. Everyone just celebrates in their own way, and they’re entitled to that. Why is everyone so stuck on some stupid phrases? It just goes to show how America can be so preoccupied with the most trivial and petty things. No wonder the rest of the world makes fun of us ^^;;;

Screw everyone else. I’m going to wish ALL of you a happy holidays – may the new year bring you everything you wish for. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, peace to the world, whatever you want to say. Just make the best of the holidays and enjoy what you got, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

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